The Hero's Gurney

44. Look, It's a Fascist! No, It's an Antifascist! Wait, I Think It's the Abyss!

Hi, we’re called False Witness, and we came to play some jams for you. Bear with us! This next song is called…

Sep 16 • 

Andrew Simmons

2

August 2025

43. A Few New Tricks for '26

A listicle on resisting efficiency, closing computers, teaching angry, and tossing out apps in the fresh school year...

Aug 26 • 

Andrew Simmons

2

2

July 2025

42. Come Down On the Side of Dissonance

With love, teach kids how to "hate."

Jul 11 • 

Andrew Simmons

5

1

May 2025

41. !!!

Punctuation and the teacher persona...

May 27 • 

Andrew Simmons

2

5

April 2025

40. Teens Tapdancing in the Tidepools of Moral Degeneracy

My students’ test scores go up! I’m more concerned about the holes in their souls. Somebody call David Brooks! I write about 4th grade, The Nickel Boys…

Apr 10 • 

Andrew Simmons

4

1

February 2025

39. Hey, You Wanna Smash Some Fruit?

The schoolhouse is not far from what is happening with DOGE...

Feb 24 • 

Andrew Simmons

4

January 2025

38. The World is Your Oyster (and Vampire)

...Sent to drain/Secret destroyers/Hold you up to the flames…A historical remembrance on elections, disruption, governance, and the weirdest little…

Jan 28 • 

Andrew Simmons

4

37. Finals Week Fugazi

One can almost always be proud and one can almost always be failing (a new SimmonsClass© teaching koan)...

Jan 8 • 

Andrew Simmons

November 2024

36. All Occasions Indeed Inform Against Them

The pandemic, AI, social media, teen hustle culture, the allure of inexpertise, dang interestin' country ya got there be a real shame if something awful…

Nov 18, 2024 • 

Andrew Simmons

2

October 2024

35. Play's the Thing

Making 12th grade kindergarten (again?), getting mail, alumni teleconferences...

Oct 22, 2024 • 

Andrew Simmons

4

September 2024

34. Goodnight, Sweet Prince

Goon Squad, sentimentalism, eulogies, teaching the literature of loss in a state of grief...

Sep 23, 2024 • 

Andrew Simmons

3

August 2024

33. Educational Television

In the first round of the 2024 WAL Draft, we select Ser Oscar Tully. No, he has no dragon, not even a baby, but I think he'd be a great section editor…

Aug 2, 2024 • 

Andrew Simmons

1